Unanimity

"I'm hideous. Look at me."
"I think you look great."
"Are you blind? How can you even say that with a straight face?"
After several years of performing this dialog flawlessly with my wife, I finally changed it up. Last week, it went like this:
"I give up. Why do I even try? I'm hideous."
"Yup."
That's kind of where the conversation (and all subsequent conversations) ended. I was just trying to connect with her and affirm her. And for that, I get the silent treatment? Isn't agreement within a marriage important? How can I be supportive, honest, and romantic, all at the same time?

Many men have written to me, struggling with this same scenario. I have devoted probably 60% of my studies to this very interchange. We all know that unanimity is vital to a successful marriage. Your instincts are good -- and for all I know, your delivery (a key element) was also good. You're just ignorant and ill-equipped to respond appropriately. Right about now, you're probably expecting to hear my Top 5 Things To Say To Your Wife After She's Told You She's Hideous (in no particular order), but there's only one right answer, so listen close:
"I'm hideous."
"Yes, but I love you anyway."
It's very important that you move toward her as you say this, reinforcing your loving words with loving action. Hug her and follow up with, "I'll always think you're beautiful, because love is blind." A peck on the cheek and a quick pat on the rump should complete the scene. Now your wife has been reassured of your love and will likely not bring up the topic again.

posted by Lawrence A. Fing @ 12:00 PM