Monday, February 19, 2007

Generally Sucking

So I finally let my boyfriend give me a massage last night, but it goes wrong for two reasons:
1) I have tactile sensitivity, especially with him;
2) He used hair conditioner instead of hand cream.

In case you didn't know, hair conditioner on the skin (in the absence of water) has the opposite effect of hand cream, flaking and generally sucking the moisture from your body. He says it was an accident, but I'm wondering if this is grounds to dump him? Oh, this isn't an isolated incident. Cases in point:
  • He forgot my birthday;

  • He forgets my name;

  • He insults me in front of his friends. This isn't as bad as it sounds, since he often calls me by the wrong name, thus unwittingly directing the insult elsewhere.


    • So can I break up with him?

    Unlike marriage, you don't really need a reason to break up with your boyfriend. In fact, it's not uncommon for people to make up reasons (even to justify divorce). But I don't think you even need to go that far. The hair conditioner notwithstanding, here are my
    Top 5 Reasons To Dump This Guy (in no particular order):
    1) He can't remember important dates.
    2) You don't like it when he touches you.
    3) He doesn't care about you enough to remember your name.
    4) He's a tool.
    5) He's a total tool.

    Please break up with him so the "future you" doesn't e-mail me asking if you should be allowed to quit one of your night jobs once baby #6 comes...

    posted by Lawrence A. Fing @ 12:00 PM

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