Giggles And Grins

My trip to Giant Eagle:

To the guy in the parking lot who thought I took his space:
"I had my blinker on several milliseconds before you. Sorry I almost hit you, but you were obviously bluffing (since you stopped short). Next time you'll know I'm serious."

To the couple that I saw from church:
"Yeah, I don't dress up when I go to Giant Eagle. I don't wash my hair or even comb it, so don't look so shocked next time. Sorry I didn't stop and chat more, but you had your kids and I was annoyed just looking at them. See you Sunday!"

To the lady who kept ramming her shopping cart into my buttocks:
"I know you thought I jumped ahead of you in line, but in actuality, I was picking up my dry cleaning and the register at that end was closed, so the lady brought me over to your register. I hope you eventually got your very important lottery tickets."

To the guy who bought three boxes of condoms and nothing else:
"Dude, you couldn't grab a sale item or two on your way to the checkout line to make yourself less conspicuous? Is the world coming to an end, or were you making a run for your buddies? Or are you getting married and went for the lifetime supply?"

To the cashier who asked me about my kids:
"Yes, I bought diapers, but that doesn't mean I wanted to hear about YOUR kids and how they used to wear diapers when they were younger. It was so interesting to hear that they still eat baby food sometimes, just for giggles and grins. That's so good to know."

To the lady who just had to walk down the middle of the parking aisle while I was trying to drive away:
"Guess what? Pedestrians and cars can co-exist ... but not when you're walking where other people want to drive. Next time I'm going to honk very loudly and then you'll be sorry."

Thanks for using this as a forum to indulge yourself. Now it's my turn: free music pizza coupons 2008 calendar diet plans hdmi share photos. My webmaster says that'll help generate more hits. Let's hope.

By the way, you can tell a lot about a person from a quick shopping trip ... usually. Not in this case, but a lot of the time if you look really hard...

posted by Lawrence A. Fing @ 12:00 PM